I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
