she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
PANTIES FOUND
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
