I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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