The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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