Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
