you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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