Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
