this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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