Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
