sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
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You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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