My room smells like vodka and shame
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
