alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
