Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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