Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
