feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
