Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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