my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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