his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
