so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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