I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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