Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The Olympian is in my bed
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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