I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
