walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.