I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
