Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask