I think I died a long time ago.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.