sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.