Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
