eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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