So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
