When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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