I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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