All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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