Where is the hickey?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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