cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize