Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
