I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
