Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
