Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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