True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
smell my finger.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
