everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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