I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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