I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
