My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
