i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
