Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
