I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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