"it" just moved
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
