I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
