Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
