So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
