Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
