who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
