your room smells of hookers.
And success
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
