honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
