I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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