What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
