I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
