you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
sex in a hospital.. check
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
