3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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