I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
