Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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