the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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