TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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