Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
