Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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