I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
