:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
