they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
