so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
